Album: The Baby is June
Artists:
- Funk McLovin
Date: November 23, 2020
Date Added: April 12, 2021
URLs:
- https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/album/the-baby-is-june
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVNREaFFhdM
Has Track Art: false
Cover Artists:
- Funk McLovin
Color: '#00c0ff'
Groups:
- Funk McLovin
- Fandom
---
Track: Meat Nor Candy
Contributors:
- Funk McLovin (Dave)
- AE (June)
- Bucky Grant (Karkat)
Duration: 0:37
URLs:
- https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/track/meat-nor-candy
Lyrics: |-
    DAVE: so june
    DAVE: did you pick meat or candy
    JUNE: dave??
    JUNE: how did you know i was at a picnic?
    DAVE: everyone knows
    DAVE: its a super important choice with important ramifications
    JUNE: what? oh man, this might be bad.
    KARKAT: OH SWEET FUCK. WHAT DID YOU DO, JUNE.
    DAVE: did you even go to the fucking picnic
    JUNE: n- no? i... i...
    DAVE: urgh
    DAVE: fuck
    DAVE: ugh
    JUNE: dave, what's going on!
    KARKAT: THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO, JUNE.
    DAVE: i can only explain whats happening to me
    DAVE: ngh
    DAVE: in <i>song</i>
---
Track: Dave's Ballad
Contributors:
- Funk McLovin (Dave)
- AE (June)
- Bucky Grant (Karkat)
Duration: '1:54'
URLs:
- https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/track/daves-ballad-2
Lyrics: |-
    I was walkin' down the street practicing some rhymes
    Just like you do when you're the knight of time
    When a realization struck me clear out the blue
    In through the outdoor I pulled the wazoo

    I saw the time foam in a paradox space
    And faster than the bunny won the tortoise race
    I knew you had to make a lun-choice
    You had to utter two words with your very own voice

    And June if you didn't then there's just one catch
    If you didn't select one of Calliope's snacks
    One final timeline that I know to be true
    I'm having a baby and the baby is you

    JUNE: but dave...
    JUNE: the tortoise won the race.
    KARKAT: IT DOESN'T MATTER RIGHT NOW, JUNE.
    KARKAT: FOCUS ON THE BABY PART.

    Well I'm having a baby and the baby is you
    I'm having a baby and the baby is you
    I'm having a baby and the baby is you
    I know this to be true

    I'm having a baby and the baby is you
    I'm having a baby and the baby is you
    I'm having a baby and the baby is you
    You better buy some tiny shoes

    JUNE: how the hell does this even work??
    DAVE: oh well im glad you asked

    You'll remember in a time in a game called SBURB
    When "ectobiologize" was the key verb
    You made a bunch of shitty little baby clones
    And sent them to the appropriate time zones

    But along the way the wires got crossed
    And out into the first ring baby June was tossed
    You could see how this could be
    A little problem metaphysically

    Because if you're marooned in the depths of space
    You couldn't make the baby clone of yourself in the first place
    And now to complete the right time loop
    I've been impregnated and the baby is you

    Well I'm having a baby and the baby is you
    I'm having a baby and the baby is you
    I'm having a baby and the baby is you
    I know this to be true (oooh!)

    I'm having a baby and the baby is you (...)
    I'm having a baby and the baby is you
    I'm having a baby and the baby is you
    You better buy some tiny shoes

    JUNE: dave, what the fuck.
---
Track: Karkat's Lament
Contributors:
- Bucky Grant (Karkat)
Duration: '2:44'
URLs:
- https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/track/karkats-lament
Lyrics: |-
    I'm just a troll, a troll so enamored
    With a man who speaks with that annoying stammer
    In spite of his yammering and habits thereof
    I wish there was a way to express my love

    I've not been one for shows of affection
    They're always taken in some awful direction
    And uh, since I'm a troll and he's a human
    Well I've got no template for wooing acumen

    Now that I'm comfy with the time that I spend
    Happy to be with him until the bitter end
    Paradox space so cruelly descends
    He's having a baby and the baby's my friend

    Oh I'm just a troll, a troll so enamored
    WIth a man who has- pff- zero manners
    And just when I was poised to get used to him
    Reality reminded me it's just too grim

    But wishing my heart with a fatal twist
    That I could love him in domestic bliss
    But what I wanted wasn't goddamn this
    Things weren't supposed to go amiss

    But when you imagine a dispute of the heart
    Something to drive two lovers apart
    In the books that I read when I was a grub
    There were strpies like passion and conflict and love

    But in those tomes over which I pored
    Reading about the quadrants that I adored
    It wasn't a whisper or even a maybe
    Of your boyfriend having his best friend's baby

    [Pensive trumpet solo.]

    I'm just a troll, a troll so enamored
    Of a boy I can't help but chase after
    Gestating my buddy in his gravid womb
    I can't let this be Davekat's doom

    I'm just a troll, a troll so enamored
    With a man who speaks with that annoying stammer
    In spite of his yammering and habits thereof
    I wish there was a way to express my love
---
Track: June's Ode
Contributors:
- AE (June)
- Funk McLovin (Dave)
Duration: '2:44'
URLs:
- https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/track/junes-ode
Lyrics: |-
    DAVE: alright youll be able to see the ultrasound image on the monitor
    DAVE: the miracle of life is wonderful dont you agree june
    DAVE: uh
    DAVE: june

    That baby is me
    It's plain to see
    From the ultrasound image
    And my friend's stomach
    Looking so carefree

    I've been through a lot
    I've seen some shit
    But this takes the cake
    This one is it

    I can't carry on
    I can't wrap my brain
    His stomach's distended a baby
    With my own face

    It's got my buckteeth
    And my mischevious grin
    Even more upsetting
    I see my glasses on them

    I try to shout
    I try to scream
    But I can't comprehend
    The baby is me

    My buddy Dave is pregnant
    With a baby who is me
    Seems surreal
    What's the deal
    He's swimming in Dave's pee

    DAVE: its not pee june its amniotic fluid
    DAVE: theres a big difference

    (Hey while you guys are singing, do mind if I take a trumpet solo?)
    (Sure thing doc, go right ahead.)

    [Prenatal trumpet solo.]

    A child in my bro
    A wholeass baby kid
    Not even the result
    Of something I did

    Dave is taking this well
    What the fuck is his deal
    I've been losing my mind
    Is this how the virgin Mary feels

    Look at their weird face
    On the ultrasound screen
    They're looking at me
    God what could this mean

    How can Dave sit there
    With zero qualms
    Is he a good dad
    Am I a good mom

    My buddy Dave is pregnant
    With a baby who is me
    Seems surreal
    What's the deal
    He's swimming in Dave's pee

    DAVE: for the last time its not pee
---
Track: Off Brand
Contributors:
- AE (June)
- Bucky Grant (Karkat)
- Funk McLovin (Dave)
Duration: '3:58'
URLs:
- https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/track/off-brand
Lyrics: |-
    JUNE: i hope dave is okay.
    JUNE: what do you think will happen if something goes wrong?
    JUNE: what if i evaporate, like in back to the future?
    KARKAT: IT'LL BE FINE, JUNE.
    JUNE: but i've been hearing trumpet playing from the delivery room this whole time.
    KARKAT: NO DON'T WORRY, THAT'S JUST THE DOCTOR FROM TRACK FOUR.
    JUNE: oh, right.

    I know it's off brand
    But I wouldn't worry
    Dave's a strong sort of guy

    He's a good dad
    So we'd better hurry
    And pull ourselves together, here's why

    Through these nine months
    I've hemmed and I've hawed
    But here's the conclusion I came to

    It's surreal and unfun
    But I've been so in awe
    You me and Dave too

    I know it's our friend
    But I sort of agree
    Dave's taken this just like a champ

    It's not the most grand
    That the baby is me
    But we really oughta be in Dave's camp

    Through these nine months
    I've been so horrified
    About the implications metaphysic

    But through these nine months
    Not one single time
    Have I told Dave he's terrific

    I know it's not grand
    But the trio of us
    Two dads and one paradox daughter

    Can be hand in hand
    One family of us
    Come temporal hell or high water

    DAVE: well folks great news
    JUNE: oh, dave! thank god.
    KARKAT: DAVE, LOOK AT HER.
    KARKAT: IT'S A LITTLE JUNE.
    JUNE: i'm still not entirely sure how it was born with my glasses on...
    DAVE: i have some bad news
    KARKAT: WHAT IS IT?
    JUNE: what do you mean?
    DAVE: to preserve the time loop this baby has to go back in time and live your childhood june
    DAVE: we cant keep it
    KARKAT: ...I GUESS THIS IS OUR ONE CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE.

    I know it's off brand
    But I'm teary-eyed
    I love this little dude most

    Karkat my man
    And June buddy of mine
    Now I know why we're so close

    When we were kids
    Playing SBURB
    I knew that we all were connected

    Through all this amidst
    Our trials absurd
    It's not quite the way we expected

    I know it's off brand
    But the trio of us
    Two dads and one paradox daughter

    Can be hand in hand
    One family of us
    Come temporal hell or high water

    DAVE: well
    DAVE: that was weird
    DAVE: i gotta admit im kinda sad that i didnt get to raise a little june
    JUNE: i'm not...
    KARKAT: WELL, AT LEAST WE LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON FROM THIS.
    DAVE: we did
    KARKAT: SURE.
    JUNE: what was it?
    KARKAT: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW.
    KARKAT: BUT I'M SURE SOMEDAY IT WILL COME IN HANDY.
    KARKAT: LIKE SOME OBSCURE TRIAL WILL HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE AND WE'LL BE ABLE TO DRAW ON OUR COLLECTIVE KNOWLEDGE OF THE MECHANICS OF PARADOX IMPREGNATION.
    JUNE: it's kind of like jesus, huh?
    JUNE: a virgin birth.
    DAVE: definitely not a virgin
    KARKT: WHAT'S A VIRGIN?
    JUNE: man, i wonder what would have happened if i'd chosen meat or candy.
    DAVE: good question june buddy
    DAVE: i guess the world will just never know
    [Laughter.]
    JUNE: probably for the best.
---
Track: Dave's Ballad Reprise
Contributors:
- Funk McLovin (Dave)
- articulatelyComposed (Rose)
Duration: '1:49'
URLs:
- https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/track/daves-ballad-reprise
Lyrics: |-
    DAVE: so yeah basically uh
    DAVE: i got pregnant with a paradox clone of june
    DAVE: and that was my weekend
    DAVE: what about you
    ROSE: Wait, what.
    ROSE: Explain.
    DAVE: alright so
    DAVE: june was supposed to make a selection between meat and candy at a picnic
    DAVE: right
    ROSE: Yes.
    ROSE: Yeah, that was my idea.
    DAVE: but she didnt do that
    DAVE: so like you might have imagined-
    ROSE: So you gave birth to her.
    DAVE: yeah yeah
    DAVE: no thats
    DAVE: thats basically the whole and the half of it
    ROSE: ...Why do I feel like this has happened before?
    DAVE: you know i felt that too
    DAVE: it was like through the whole thing
    DAVE: it was like this feeling of deja vu
    DAVE: i dont even know if i have a womb anymore
    ROSE: I mean, paradox space can do strange things.
    DAVE: yeah
    DAVE: well i guess its good that yknow
    DAVE: she didnt choose meat or candy
    DAVE: who knows how that would have gone
    ROSE: Oh, god.
    DAVE: yeah who knows
    ROSE: Now that I think about it, that was a terrible choice.
    ROSE: I don't know why I even thought it would be... decent.
    DAVE: yeah thats ok
    DAVE: you cant see the fu- well
    DAVE: you cant see the future i guess
    DAVE: i kinda made a musical angle of it
    DAVE: so like
    DAVE: uh
    DAVE: you wanna
    DAVE: do you wanna
    DAVE: you wanna do something with that
    DAVE: we could probably syndicate this and sell it to someone
    ROSE: Honestly? Sure, why not.
    DAVE: alright lets do it
    ROSE: Why not make a couple bucks aft our wacky adventures.
    DAVE: yeah
    DAVE: lets do this
    DAVE: i had a whole baby i might as well gat a couple dollars out of it

    You (I) had a baby and the baby was June
    You (I) had a baby and the baby was June
    You (I) had a baby and the baby was June
    It's absurd to be true (ooooh)

    Dave (I) had a baby and the baby was June
    He (I) had a baby and the baby was June
    Dave (I) had the baby and the baby was June
    And that fixed the paradox loop (ooooh)

    ROSE: Actually, on second thought, making a musical out of this seems like a bad idea.
    DAVE: yeah its kind of tacky
